ooooooo, lookit a new code from the dsm5!!!!1!!

TLFS

Too Lazy For Suicide

beetleginny:

baital:

nethilia:

fuckyeahnerdpr0n:

always reblog “good guy satan” meme

chill ass bitch

I will always reblog this for Lucifer cover art.

I’ve always said, Lucifer is a people person. He wants you to have what you want.

64,199 notes

cheese > others

(Source: peteneems)

77,279 notes

I am turning 30 in a relatively short amount of time and I am pleased to announce that I have made it this far without murdering anyone.

I think there is a statistic somewhere that says you are way more likely to get murdered by someone you know vs. someone you don’t know. I don’t mean to brag but I know a smattering of people.

If you are one of the people I know, you are welcome for not murdering you.

Even though some of you really deserve it.

JUST KIDDING!!1!!

But for reals, I am not going to murder you. Unless like you try to murder me first in which case IT’S ON. But otherwise you are safe. This isn’t because I am this really nice person, it’s because I don’t want to go through the ordeal of getting arrested and the nightmare circus that is the criminal justice industry. I would most likely just kill myself after the alleged murder to save myself the hassle. This is, of course, all hypothetical.

Again I say, you’re welcome!

I would just like to go on record and state that if you are against vaccines and show up in any of my social media I will relentlessly troll you.

RELENTLESSLY, I WILL TROLL YOU.

You have been warned.

2 notes

I live on the third floor in my apartment complex. I hear things happen in the neighborhood, but a lot of times it’s muddled or I only understand about half of what’s being said/shouted/screamed.

On Saturday morning two guys were moving stuff. I know this because I heard half of the conversation that this dude was hollaring at his side kick.

"THIS IS REALLY HEAVY"

-silence-

"IT’S OKAY, I GOT IT"

-silence-

"TAKE YOUR TIME MAN, WE GOT ALL DAY"

-silence-

This went on for like 20 minutes. At minute 20 my curiosity won and I had to go scowl at this moron. (I only hated the guy who was loud). I pictured some 20 something year old neon bro with a slogan shirt. I was greeted by a 40 year old man in dad shorts. Mild surprise.

There is a lot of construction happening in my neighborhood and I hate all of them. I know they are just doing their job, but their job wakes me up a lot and the roads still look like shit. I could maybe forgive them if it looked like actual improvements were happening but there are still a million pot holes and sidewalks that look like demons were trying to crawl out from under them. Sometimes if I get stuck behind one of the trucks on my way to work I think, “OH SO THIS IS WHERE MY TAX DOLLARS ARE GOING” and then right after that I hate myself because that sentence is really embarrassing.I brush it off like I am just being ironically clever. Then I remember that no one can hear my thoughts and I am also alone.

I am not going to wear pants for the rest of the evening because I am an adult and that is allowed.

2 notes

newyorker:

What distinguishes a selfie from an artist’s self-portrait? Look through a selection of photographs: http://nyr.kr/1hzvpEZ
Above: Jun Ahn, “Self-Portrait” (2008)/Courtesy Christophe Guye Galerie, Zürich

newyorker:

What distinguishes a selfie from an artist’s self-portrait? Look through a selection of photographs: http://nyr.kr/1hzvpEZ

Above: Jun Ahn, “Self-Portrait” (2008)/Courtesy Christophe Guye Galerie, Zürich

(Source: newyorker.com)

2,700 notes

I get very nervous being around only white people. Its really only a matter of time before someone says something wildly racist.  Double points if they start with, “Im not racist, but-“.

Yes. Yes you are.

5 notes

Today is brought  to you by not murdering everyone in sight because someone used the last of the coffee without fucking replacing it.

I can feel the rage moving under my skin.

2 notes

Anonymous said: Your blog is pretty cool! I see you were trying to quit smoking and if you have, good job! If not, then I hope you lowered your number of smoke breaks! <3

Thank you! I actually did quit smoking. My last one was on Thanksgiving 2013. I sometimes really miss those cancer sticks, but that’s the part of my brain that wants to kill me. I try to not listen to that part very often. 80% I really like being alive and that’s really good for a misanthrope.